Walking With Sons - is a relational perspective. In my experience, we as fathers, walk with several sons, not just our offspring. We walk with the son of our grandfather in our heads. I don't mean an uncle (unless someone's primary father figure was an uncle). I mean your father. But seeing our fathers as the son of our grandfather helps us to see his flawed propensities. My own father became the man he is, in part, because of who my grandfather was to him. If Grandaddy didn't encourage and nurture my father, then that may affect his affection for me. If he didn't teach my father how to work hard, then how is my father going to have that to teach me? As the son of my grandfather, my father is only partly prepared to do a good job of raising me. As I reflect on the bones I have always picked with him, I can see it wasn't entirely his doing to be as able and inept as he was. He was walking forward in life with his own father in his head, creating phantom judgments, criticisms, and holes in his understanding. The man in my head, criticizing and judging me, is a product of my grandfather's inability to do a great job at raising a boy into a man. Where does the legacy turn around?
I walk with my son, who is making decisions, and deriving conclusions and beliefs that concern me. I walk with thoughts of him in my head as I wonder why he did that, and if I taught him about this. I also see in him, the reason my dad got upset with me. I see the caring in me, because of my son, that also occurred in my dad's heart because of me; causing him to become frustrated with my lack of progress. My father, maybe because of my grandfather, fell into visible disappointment when I failed. His disappointment did not spur me on to greater efforts. It took my legs out from under me. I loved my dad. And to think that my error caused him harm... it kept stealing my courage to try again. So, now, I try to show my son, that failing isn't life and death. It is a chance to laugh at one's folly and regroup. It is a chance to empathize with others when they fail. It is a chance to learn a better way. If Thomas Edison let failure be a shameful thing, he would have likely quit before creating his successful light bulb. We walk with our sons, not just when we are with them, but whenever we choose to do anything that affects them.
We also walk with the sons of other fathers. We walk with men who learned life from their fathers differently than we did from our fathers. We walk with the friends of our sons as their ideas and choices creep into our sons' range of acceptable behavior. Will this song of darkness entice and lure my son astray? Will their cussing lower my son's standards, too? These sons of other fathers help us, and our sons, to define what a man might be, and how different we are from those we long to be accepted by. Can we find respectability among doctors, CEOs, ranchers, plumbers, and firemen? Can we hang with the rough crowd, and then know which fork to use with the salad? Some do not care to be accepted in all circles, and that is perfectly allowed. Others can't seem to find acceptance in any circle. The man defines himself, and all others are merely points on a map of comparison, but they do tell us where we are in life, partly.
For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ (not living in a religion, but in a relationship with the Man of God Himself), we walk with the Son of God. Through our acceptance of Him, and His mutual acceptance of us, we receive His Holy Spirit and its guiding power within us. As we walk through life, He is with us as a counselor and teacher. He is with us as the most loving and patient of fathers.
Well, by now, we can see that there are many sources of influence on us and in our minds we weigh the options of what we are going to say and do as our sons' fathers. Do we teach him about girls because we think it's important, or because that's the way our fathers taught us? Do we teach him about women from the point of view that Eve was from Adam to be his helper and then she led him into temptation? Or do we let our sons learn about women while at their friends' houses in the afternoon looking at the Internet? Do we trust ourselves to explain women in a way that frames all his choices toward a healthy view of them, or do we leave it up to his mother to handle that discussion?
It is my belief that every father is his son's best 'point man'. As the jungle of options is filled with dangers, the father is the guy who has been out on point, scouting the territory. He has come back to the young man to report on what lies ahead. If he made mistakes while scouting, great! It is worth reporting so the son doesn't do the same. If there are pitfalls that scared the point man, then, 'Great!' because it should be used to warn the son. Ignoring our own lessons and not trusting the value of our report does not serve our sons well. No one cares more about them than we do. No one knows them better than we do. No one knows what traps guys like us fall into most easily, and our sons are more like us than someone else, so tell them!
We walk with many sons as we go through life, and understanding the good and bad influences they bear upon our choices can help teach our sons how to command their choices as well.
I walk with my son, who is making decisions, and deriving conclusions and beliefs that concern me. I walk with thoughts of him in my head as I wonder why he did that, and if I taught him about this. I also see in him, the reason my dad got upset with me. I see the caring in me, because of my son, that also occurred in my dad's heart because of me; causing him to become frustrated with my lack of progress. My father, maybe because of my grandfather, fell into visible disappointment when I failed. His disappointment did not spur me on to greater efforts. It took my legs out from under me. I loved my dad. And to think that my error caused him harm... it kept stealing my courage to try again. So, now, I try to show my son, that failing isn't life and death. It is a chance to laugh at one's folly and regroup. It is a chance to empathize with others when they fail. It is a chance to learn a better way. If Thomas Edison let failure be a shameful thing, he would have likely quit before creating his successful light bulb. We walk with our sons, not just when we are with them, but whenever we choose to do anything that affects them.
We also walk with the sons of other fathers. We walk with men who learned life from their fathers differently than we did from our fathers. We walk with the friends of our sons as their ideas and choices creep into our sons' range of acceptable behavior. Will this song of darkness entice and lure my son astray? Will their cussing lower my son's standards, too? These sons of other fathers help us, and our sons, to define what a man might be, and how different we are from those we long to be accepted by. Can we find respectability among doctors, CEOs, ranchers, plumbers, and firemen? Can we hang with the rough crowd, and then know which fork to use with the salad? Some do not care to be accepted in all circles, and that is perfectly allowed. Others can't seem to find acceptance in any circle. The man defines himself, and all others are merely points on a map of comparison, but they do tell us where we are in life, partly.
For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ (not living in a religion, but in a relationship with the Man of God Himself), we walk with the Son of God. Through our acceptance of Him, and His mutual acceptance of us, we receive His Holy Spirit and its guiding power within us. As we walk through life, He is with us as a counselor and teacher. He is with us as the most loving and patient of fathers.
Well, by now, we can see that there are many sources of influence on us and in our minds we weigh the options of what we are going to say and do as our sons' fathers. Do we teach him about girls because we think it's important, or because that's the way our fathers taught us? Do we teach him about women from the point of view that Eve was from Adam to be his helper and then she led him into temptation? Or do we let our sons learn about women while at their friends' houses in the afternoon looking at the Internet? Do we trust ourselves to explain women in a way that frames all his choices toward a healthy view of them, or do we leave it up to his mother to handle that discussion?
It is my belief that every father is his son's best 'point man'. As the jungle of options is filled with dangers, the father is the guy who has been out on point, scouting the territory. He has come back to the young man to report on what lies ahead. If he made mistakes while scouting, great! It is worth reporting so the son doesn't do the same. If there are pitfalls that scared the point man, then, 'Great!' because it should be used to warn the son. Ignoring our own lessons and not trusting the value of our report does not serve our sons well. No one cares more about them than we do. No one knows them better than we do. No one knows what traps guys like us fall into most easily, and our sons are more like us than someone else, so tell them!
We walk with many sons as we go through life, and understanding the good and bad influences they bear upon our choices can help teach our sons how to command their choices as well.
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