Obedience is such an interesting topic, don't you think? I mean... looking at it from the point of view of the dad, I can see how it is a valuable, useful, and desirable thing. What dad doesn't want his son to obey him? Right?
But, I remember hating the idea of obedience when I was a son.
So, If it was such a good and wonderful thing, why is there such a disparity (disagreement) over it from the two points of view?
Ok. Obviously, I can see the reasons, but what I find intriguing is the way God, when acting as a glorious and truly loving father, uses obedience. He wants us to obey Him... for OUR sake. As a father of my son, I want him to obey me for his sake, but often for my sake as well. (Confession - sometimes it just makes things easier for me if he would just do what he is told. Know what I mean?)
But, everything I have learned about God consistently tells me that He does nothing and asks nothing for His sake. He loves us to the point of torture and death upon the cross, rejection and humiliation by His own, and an unending grace while we use our Free Will to sin. He loves us SOOOO much and wants us to obey Him. I can only conclude that our obedience can't be for His sake.
I have also learned that God is ALL ABOUT our joy. Everything He does, teaches, and wants for us leads to spiritual cleansing, oneness with Him, and JOY!
So, if He is so strongly adamant about our joy and our obedience, how do the two co-exist? God, once known, demonstrates complete consistency, so the two must coexist. By 'coexist' I don't mean first one then the other. I mean... simultaneous. Not like pancakes and syrup, but like the maple flavor and the sugar in the syrup. Two different things - TOGETHER as ONE.
But, I struggle to find joy in my obedience of Him. Why? Alright, I realize the struggle is within me, is caused by my pride and is sin (the drive for separation). But, I want to be reconciled to God, my Father in Heaven. I want the oneness Jesus speaks of in John 17. I want to be a good son. I want to obey. But, I also hate the idea of obeying.
For most of us sons, we had dads who demanded our obedience and it became a bitter pill. The bitterness isn't in the obedience, but in the expectation and the demand. If we incurred consequences as a result of not obeying, then bitterness strengthened because the punishment wasn't about the thing we didn't do, but because we didn't comply.
For example... If my dad told me to take out the garbage and I didn't there would be natural consequences to it, such as a rising stench in the kitchen, unhappy family members, flies buzzing around, and eventually so much clutter that it is hard to safely move about the kitchen. But, my father wouldn't let those consequences arise and I wouldn't learn about them, and therefore not learn the value of taking out the trash. Instead, the negative consequence I would receive was related - not to the trash - but to his frustration. He was pissed at me for not obeying.
There was a very consistent response from my dad when I didn't obey. It was not different for each instance, nor relevant to the thing I had failed to do (i.e. standing guard at the hole in the fence to keep the horses inside the pasture if I hadn't mended the fence), but was always about having failed to obey. This became a dividing factor in our relationship - as it is with most sons and fathers.
But, since God, as our FATHER, is so purely about our benefit and our joy, about our growth and our becoming, and so deeply committed to overcoming any separation (sin) that pulls us out of ONENESS with Him, He isn't going to make our disobedience become a separating influence between us and Him, as far as His end of things. We might do it (and often do), but He wouldn't make it the thing that draws us apart the way my father did with me, and the way I have done with my son.
Obeying isn't really that hard to do. I obey the laws, social customs like waiting in line, and my boss. It isn't a big deal... unless obedience itself has become a bone of contention between two people and therefore is the issue, the actual cause of the angst. With God we know that He will never intend for the issue of obedience to become contentious. He wants us to obey for our own good, like a parent telling a toddler to stay away from the road. In such a loving way, obedience is more a source of love, sheltering us from other consequences and less-preferred outcomes... like wrapping your child in a warm blanket on a cold day.
But, for me, the issue is stuck in a very bitter memory. A bitter memory that was repeatedly hammered into my childhood, into my point of view on life, and into my psyche. I know Jesus Christ provides us a fresh start - like a factory reset on a computer - but being born again does not erase memories and old habits of thinking. Through His gift of redemption we are given the chance to deal with these things and overcome them, but we must want to and must do so in order for His gift to be fulfilled. I want to become obedient to Him. I want to obey Him with ease and quick readiness. But my history wants to keep me stuck in angst. I must face this issue. I must allow Him to teach me, guide me, and lead me to a new view on obedience, and I do want that. It's just that... I want to find the sweeter side of obedience that I know exists. I just want to know where the joy is.
Maple flavoring without sugar is not very appealing. If you ever tasted it by itself it wouldn't be very yummy. It's like cocoa extract that way. It needs the sugar to get the yummy. Obedience can seem bitter at first, but I know God adds the sweetness of joy because He is ALL about joy. I just haven't been able to get past my association of obedience with the contentions and bitterness my father and I shared.
So, again I ask myself. Where is the joy that accompanies obedience - like sugar and maple flavoring - mixed together simultaneously?
Then I hear a whisper in my heart that says... "I will lead you to find it, but you will have to do what I tell you to do."
And my pride says, "UGH!"
No comments:
Post a Comment