The Three Fathers of Every Son

Sons receive their template of becoming from their father, or I should say, from their three fathers.  The template affects their ideas of what they might become, should become, and the “how” of becoming.  Fathers are powerful leaders because sons are internally prone to find a fit to the template.  If my father likes fishing, then I must like it, too.  If my father is into fixing cars, then that’s for me. 

Part of the tendency to fit the template is like a black hole.  Black holes are huge voids with intense gravity that suck and pull everything into its emptiness.  Sons don’t know who they are and what they are supposed to become.  They have a huge void inside them that wants to suck and pull answers in from whatever sources seem solid and sure. 

The other part of sons’ tendency to fit themselves to the template comes from simple availability.  If they were in a field looking for something to do they would fit themselves to what is available.  Give them a bat, baseball gloves, a few friends, and some idea how to play – and they will become baseball players – because it is available.  Give them a chessboard and some idea how to play and they will become chess players.  Give them a basketball and hoop and they will occupy themselves by trying to get the ball into the hoop.   

When a son has a father nearby he is given a template, and fitting himself to the template is as natural a thing to do as throwing a rock into a creek.  Remove the template and the son becomes desperate for a guide, a model to follow, an example of what to become and what not to become.  As each son grows up, these two forces (a father’s presence, and the need to find answers) create a powerful impression on the boy’s development.  His internal sense of himself – his identity – becomes anchored to the template and who he becomes is going to be immensely affected by what that template teaches him. 

Every son is given three fathers and each one has a powerful template.  First there is the template he sees in front of his eyes every day – his biological father, home father, voice and touch father.  The physical presence of this father makes him the primary influence on a son.  Secondly, there are two spiritual fathers in each son’s life.  There is God, the Good Father of Heaven who reaches to us through our hearts and conscience, teaching us about the power of love, joy, sacrifice, forgiveness and grace.  God seeks to deliver us into a life of goodness, wholeness, and fulfillment.  The other spiritual father is Satan, the Father of Lies.  He reaches to us through fear, anger, envy, lust, and pride.  He seeks to teach us about the power of lies, selfishness, hate, the separation and isolation of sin, spite, bitterness, and the inflicting of pain.

Jesus Christ, who came to demonstrate the ways of God the Father, tells us about the Father of Lies in John 8:44, declaring the way men will become influenced by the devil and live their lives according to his ways.  When we take a moment to look upon the effects on men’s lives that these three influences create we can see how some follow their earthly fathers and become like them; how some follow God and become like Him; and how others follow the evil ways of Satan and become like him.  There is a fourth group – those who struggle to choose a template to follow.  For them, identity is a floating, ever-changing world of gray where no black and white truths exist.  These sons don’t trust Satan, but neither do they trust their own fathers, nor God.  It is this group that teaches us about becoming a man.

When sons come of age they are placed at the threshold of their lives, the entry to the way they will be for the remainder of their life.  Some sons come of age before their teen years, and others wait until middle age, with most crossing the threshold somewhere in between.  Becoming a man happens when sons decide to leave the conforming template behind and take control of their life path.  Too soon and they may make an immature path choice.  Too late and they won’t know how to hold to their decision. 

The best fathers of sons will teach their sons the best lesson of becoming; things like choosing, holding to decisions, bravely crossing thresholds, learning from mistakes, and how to use wisdom to choose well.  No father can make his son choose anything.  Dads can’t force their sons to follow their lead, accept or want to fit into their template, believe in God, or turn from Satan.  But, if they are good and caring dads they will be given the chance to offer a good template – one that truly serves their son’s ability to choose well for himself – and then trust their son’s natural need to follow the template to do the work.  But, every earthly dad has three fathers, too.

God, the Supreme Father (because He has ultimate power and wisdom over all other fathers, including Satan), places a son into a man’s life, making him into a father, to help him become a better man.  When we are separate and no one is basing their life path on our character, behavior, and beliefs, it is easy to let things slide.  But, when we look into the crib and see a boy who wants to become like us, we feel the burden of our weaknesses.  God uses this to invite us into a better life, a better way of living and making choices.  We still get to choose yea or nay, but with that boy yearning to fit our template we find ourselves wanting to make it a better one.  It is then we need to have the skills and knowledge of becoming.  Did our fathers teach us to “become” with courage and gusto, or did we learn to fear it and avoid it?  Did we choose to become like our earthly fathers, like Satan, or like God?  And now as we look upon our offspring, which of our three fathers do we want to become more like – for the sake of our sons?